My Approach

My approach with sexual addiction is based on the work of Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. author of Out of the Shadows who coined the term "sexual addiction" in 1987. I continue to be in training with him and his certifying process for sexual addiction.

Knowing your Erotic Intelligence will also help intervene in compulsive sexual behavior. My work with sexual addiction includes the work of others within the following list of readings and resources.

Recommended Reading

Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes

Don't Call It Love by Patrick Carnes

Cruise Control by Rob Weiss

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives by Joe Kort (includes entire chapter on sexual addiction in gay men)

Back From Betrayal by Jennifer Shneider

Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness by Jennifer Shneider and Burt Schneider

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin

Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies by Michael Bader

Disclosing Secrets: When, to Whom, and How Much to Reveal by Jennifer Schneider and Deb Corley

Resources

Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH)

A Gentle Path

What is sexual addiction?

What is sexual compulsion?

Download Joe's Brochure on Sexual Addiction in PDF format

Statistics on Internet Pornography

GAY & BI-SEXUAL MALE ADDICTION SCREENING TEST
(or download in PDF format)

HETEROSEXUAL MALE SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST
(or download in PDF format)

WOMEN'S SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST
(or download in PDF format)

CYBERSEX ADDICTION CHECKLIST
(or download in PDF format)

Partner's Sexual Co-Addiction Screening Test
Adapted from S-Anon

Choosing an Internet Filter

Choosing an Internet Filter

Covenant Eyes: not a filter, but records all websites and sends a report to an accountability person.

Safe Eyes

The Gay and Bisexual Sexual Addiction Screening Test

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Have you subscribed or regularly purchased/rental sexually explicit magazines or videos?
3. Did your parents have trouble with their sexual or romantic behaviors?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?
5. Has your use of phone sex lines, computer sex lines, etc, exceeded your ability to pay for these services?
6. Does your significant other(s), friends or family ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior? (Not related to sexual orientation.)
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate and/or dangerous to your health?h?
8. Has your involvement with pornography, phone sex, computer board sex, ext. become greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?
9. Do you keep the extent or nature of your sexual activities hidden from your friends and/or partners?
10. Do you look forward to events with friends or family being over so that you can go out to have sex?
11. Do you visit sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or video bookstores as a regular part of your sexual activity?
12. Do you believe that anonymous or casual sex kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?
13. Do you have trouble maintaining intimate relationships once the "sexual newness" of the person has worn off?
14. Do your sexual encounters place you in danger of arrest for lewd conduct or public indecency?
15. Have you spent time worrying about being HIV positive & continue to engage in risky or unsafe sexual behavior anyway?
16. Has anyone ever been hurt emotionally by events related to your sexual behavior, e.g., lying to partner or friends, not showing up for event/appointment due to sexual liaisons, etc.,? (not related to sexual orientation)
17. Have you ever been approached, charged, arrested by the police, security, etc., due to sexual activity in a public place?
18. Has sex been a way for you to escape your problems?
19. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
20. Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual activity only to break them later? (Not related to sexual orientation.)
21. Have your sexual activities interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life, e.g. unable to perform at work, loss of relationship? (Not related to sexual orientation.)
22. Have you engaged in unsafe or "risky" sexual practices even though you knew it could cause you harm?
23. Have you ever been paid for sex?
24. Have you ever had sex with someone just because you were feeling aroused and later felt ashamed or regretted it?
25. Have you ever cruised public restrooms, rest areas and/or parks looking for sexual encounters with strangers?

+13 yes answers is a potential problem

—Credit to Patrick Carnes, Ph.D and Robert Weiss, CSW

The Sexual Addication Screening Test
(Heterosexual Sexual Addiction Screening Test)

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Have you subscribed or regularly purchases sexually explicit magazines like Playboy or Penthouse?
3. Did your parents have trouble with sexual behavior?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behavior is not normal?
6. Does your spouse (or significant other(s), ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you or your family?
10. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Are any of your sexual activities against the law?
14. Have you ever made promises to yourself to quit some aspect of your sexual behavior?
15. Have you ever made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you have to hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
17. Have you attempted to stop some parts of your sexual activity?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex been a way for you to escape your problem?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Have you felt the need to discontinue a certain form of sexual activity?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you ever been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
25. Do you ever think about sexual desire is stronger than you are?

+13 YES ANSWERS IS A POTENTIAL PROBLEM

—credit to Patrick Carnes, Ph.D

Women’s Sexual Addiction Screening Test (W-SAST)
from The Sexual Recovery Institute

The Women’s Sexual Addiction Screening Test (W-SAST) is designed to assist the assessment of sexually compulsive or “addictive” behavior. Answer each question “YES” or “NO”. Depending on the particular pattern of symptoms:

1 - 3 of these symptoms found to be true may be an area of concern and should be openly discussed with a friend or family member.

More than 3 positive answers would indicate the need to consider more professional consultation and consideration of a 12 - Step support program like those for Sexual Addicts.

Six (6) or more true answers clearly presents a problem with potentially self-abusive and / or dangerous consequences. Should seek treatment.

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they became emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic daydreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behavior is normal?
6. Does your spouse [or significant other(s)] ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you act out sexually followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all?)
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?e?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?

Cybersex Addiction Checklist

If 1-3 of these symptoms are found to be true, this may be an area of concern and should be openly discussed with a friend or family member.  More than 3 positive answers would indicate the need to consider more professional counseling with someone trained in the treatment of addictive disorders and consideration of a 12 step support program like those listed in resources for sexual addicts.s.

1. Spending increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement.
2. Involvement in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS.
3. Not considerating online sexual or romantic “affairs” to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments.
4. Failed attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction.
5. Online use interferes with work (tired or late due to previous night’s use, online while at work, etc.).
6. Online use interferes with primary relationships (e.g. minimizing or lying to partners about online activities, spending less time with family or partners).
7. Intense engagement in collecting Internet Pornography.
8. Engaging in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g. rape, child molestation).
9. Decreased social or family interactive time due to online fantasy involvement.
10. Being secretive or lying about the time spent online or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out online.
11. Engaging with sexual or romantic partners met online, while also involved in marital or other primary relationship.
12. Increasing complaints and concern from family or friends about the amount of time spent online.
13. Frequently becoming angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends.
14. Primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity (including pornographic CD ROM use).

 Taken from: The Sexual Recovery Institute

Partner's Sexual Co-Addiction Screening Test
Adapted from S-Anon

If you have been affected by someone else's sexual behavior, you can find help for yourself, whether or not that person seeks recovery from sexual addiction. These questions, as adapted from S-Anon, are designed to help you consider whether you could benefit from some guidance and support of your own. Check each "Yes" response as appropriate, and then click on the "Submit" button at the bottom.

1. Have you often felt hurt, ashamed or embarrassed by someone else's sexual conduct?
2. Are you afraid to upset the sexaholic for fear that he or she will leave you?
   Have you sometimes found yourself searching for clues about someone else's sexual behavior?

3. Have you ever fantasized, obsessed or worried about someone else's sexual problems?
4. Have you ever made threats to others or promises to yourself ("If this happens again, I'll leave.") that you did not carry out?

5. Have you ever tried to control somebody else's sexual thoughts or behavior by doing things like throwing away pornography, dressing suggestively, or being sexual with them in order to keep them from being sexual with others?
6. Has your involvement with another person or their sexual behavior ever affected your relationship with your children, your co-workers or other friends or family members?

7. Have you often lied to others or made excuses to yourself about another person's sexual conduct?

8. Have you had money problems because of someone else's sexual behavior?

9. Have you engaged in sexual behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or ashamed, or is physically dangerous, fearing that if you don't the sexaholic will leave you?

10. Have you ever felt confused and unable to separate what is true from what is not true when talking with the sexaholic?

11. Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide because of someone else's sexual behavior?
12. Have you often used sex to keep peace in the family or smooth over problems?

13. Does sex (for example, thinking about it, doing it, talking about it, worrying about it) play an all-consuming role in the relationship?

14. Have you ever felt abandoned emotionally because of your partner's use of pornography or masturbation?

15. Have you ever helped someone get out of jail or other legal trouble as a result of his or her sexual behavior, or feared that this kind of thing could happen?
16. Have you often thought that the sexaholic's behavior was caused by other people, such as friends or sexual partners? by society in general? by his/her job, religion, or birth family?

17. Have you ever suspected that anyone was inappropriately sexually interested in any of your children?

18. Do you feel alone in your problem?

19. Do you feel that your partner/spouse's sexual behavior(s) will continue no matter what you say or feel?