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Queer Eye for the Straight Community
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© 2004 by Joe Kort. All rights reserved
www.menstuff.org
Over the years other minority groups have changed how they wish to be referred to in an attempt to change
how they are treated. A good example of this is the African American community has changed the way they
self-identify going from “negro” to “colored” to “black” to “people of color” to the now politically correct term
“African American” that they wish to be called today. Actually, “negro” and “colored” were labels coming from non-African Americans.
These days, the GLBTQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bi-attractional, Transgendered and Questioning)
community have also changed how we self identify. “Homosexual” has
become a negative word as the words “negro” and “colored” would be to
call an African American person. The best thing these days is to ask how
someone self-identifies. Even many women, both lesbian and straight,
are starting to write the word “women” as “womyn” so to recognize
their separation and difference from men.
For us all to get along it is important to be respectful of each other’s
self-identification. As a therapist, I may not like to use the word “homosexual” however if a client comes in and
does not identify with the word “gay” and self-identifies as “homosexual” that is the word I use. Using the word “gay” is affirmative and refers
to a lifestyle of being out and open about one’s sexual and romantic orientation. Many folks in the beginning of coming out are
not comfortable with using the word “gay”. Likewise, a heterosexual who enjoys sex with the same gender
however might identify as hetero-emotional and not see themselves as gay or homosexual. They would refer to the word “homosexual” as a
“freaky” side to themselves in behavior only.
When I was a young boy, degrading, humiliating names like “faggot” and “queer” were hurled at me repeatedly. Today, younger kids and
teenagers use the word "gay" to degrade and humiliate others. "That is so gay!" you can hear in school corridors and in the malls.
It’s reminiscent of slang expressions like, "I Jewed him down," or "I was gypped.” These verbs have become so overused that people use
them without even knowing where they originated or how it offends people. Today, however, we see the word "queer," once a pejorative,
often being used in a positive way. Dozens of books and articles are getting published with Queer in their titles, and the term has come into
common, affirmative usage by lesbians and gays as well.
Originally, the adjective “homosexual” was mostly derogatory or pathological, as in calling someone
a "known homosexual." Today’s "homosexuals" don’t want to own that title, because its negative
connotations remind us of the bad old days. The “sexual” part of the word reflected the homophobic belief
that homosexuality is primarily or “only” about sex, which it isn't. The labels “gay” and “lesbian” were therefore adopted, to the extent that
today’s reparative therapies often refuse to use the word "gay" because of its affirmative connotation!
Then bisexuals were included. These days—again, removing “sex” from the word—the politically correct
term would be “bi-attractional.” Gay culture then adopted the acronym GLB to welcome in bi-attractionals. Next to come on board was
“transgendered,” an umbrella term for drag queens, drag kings, transvestites and pre-and post-op sex reassignment individuals; and so the
acronym changed to GLBT. When those questioning their orientation came into the fold, the acronym expanded again to
GLBTQ.
As a result of the addition of letters maybe it all just seemed to much and the best letter for us is just "Q"
for Queer. We see it in the media "Queer as Folk" on Showtime and now the hysterically funny and well
done "Queer Eye on the Straight Guy.”
These days it is important to know these terms:
1. Lesbian: A woman or young woman who forms her
primary loving and sexual relationships with other women; a woman or young woman who has a
continuing affectional, emotional, romantic, and/or erotic attraction to someone of the same sex. Some
lesbians prefer to call themselves “lesbian” and they use the term “gay” to refer to gay men; others use the term
“gay” to refer to both gay males and lesbian females.
2. Gay
Male: An affirmative word for a man or young man who forms his primary romantic and sexual
relationships with other men; a man or young man who has a continuing affectional, emotional, romantic,
and/or erotic attraction to someone of the same sex. Women use this word as well (see above).
NOTE:
“Homosexual” is an outdated term and offensive: It historically refers to a lesbian or a gay male.
Homosexual is a clinical and technical term that is not generally used by lesbians or gay men to refer to
themselves or their community. For example, a person refers to themselves as gay or openly gay not
admittedly homosexual or a practicing homosexual. These latter terms have negative stigmatized
connotations. This term is also widely used by Reparative Therapists and Religious organizations to
reinforce that homosexuality is negative and that “gay” is an affirmative lifestyle.
3. Bisexual or Bi-Attractional: A person or young
person who has the potential for or forms affectionate, emotional, romantic, and/or erotic attraction with
members of either gender.
4. Transgendered: A person who is expanding the
societal boundaries of female and male genders. This includes people who are undergoing sex/gender
reassignment (transsexuals) and transvestites/cross dressers. Transsexuals and transvestites may be
heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. An example might be of a heterosexual woman becoming gender
reassigned as a man and now self-identifies as a gay man. His gender is now changed however his sexual
and romantic orientation has not.
5. Homoerotic: The enjoyment of watching two men
or two women being sexual with one another. It is also a man eroticizing his sexual contact with another man
and a woman eroticizing her sexual behavior with another woman. The person enjoying this might be
straight, gay or bi.
6. Hetero-emotional: A man or woman who is
heterosexually emotionally attached and drawn to members of the opposite gender and sexually attracted
to members of either same gender and/or opposite gender.
7. Homo-emotional: A man or woman who is
emotionally attracted and drawn to members of the same gender and sexually attracted to members of one’s
own gender and/or opposite gender.
8, Questioning: A person who is undecided and/or
confused about their sexual and romantic orientation.
9. LGBTQ: An umbrella acronym to refer to the
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered and Questioning community.
10. Queer: A mostly political term to describe gay,
lesbian, bi-attractional and transgender persons. It is an umbrella term to refer to the gay community as a
whole. This can be a simpler way to refer to the queer community without all the letters! Examples in media
that this is becoming more acceptable are “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and “Queer as Folk”. Many gay
and lesbian self-help books now use the word queer in its titles and contents.
I have to admit I still cringe when I hear the word
queer. It takes me back to the playground where I was made fun of and put down. However, I am getting
used to it as it is used more and more. When in relationship with someone "queer" my judgment is the
best thing to do is to ask them how do they self identify and what would they like to be called. I prefer
to be called gay. That is how I self-identify. How do you self-identify? |
