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Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men

Autographed copies available for $32.00 + $5.00 s&h per book.

Click here to buy autographed copy directly from the author Click here to purchase from Amazon.com

About the Book

Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?  addresses a topic that many people may have experience with, but don’t know where to go to find the answers. At a time when the definition of marriage is changing, and relationships in general may be fraught with uncertainty about a variety of basic issues, a book that addresses the concerns of women who suspect their men are gay or have gay tendencies can help make sense of a confusing situation and reveal ways in which couples can understand a man’s interest in gay sex and remain married, even happily.

Table of Contents


1. Jennifer’s Conundrum: Straight Men Who Want Sex with Men

2. Tom’s Compulsion: Why Would a Straight Man Want To Have Sex with Men?

3. An Irresistible Humiliation: Joel Loves Cuckolding

4. David Wants a Knock on His Back Door: Is He Gay?

5. Adam Must Be the Master: BDSM as an Identity

6. Carlos’s Anxiety: Men Who Obsess about Being Gay

7. Sam Won’t Cheat on Jillian: What Are the Bisexual Options?

8. Does Jacob Have to Leave Katelyn? : The Gay Husband

9. A Landscape of Identity and Desire: Straight Men Who Seem Gay


10. His Secret Sex Life: Recovering from Betrayal

11. Core Sexual Scripts: Gateway to Understanding Troubling Sexual Behavior

12. Are You What You Orgasm?: Kinks That “Look Gay”

13. Your Man Is Gay or Bisexual: Now What?

14. Sex Fantasies and Sex Talk: How Much Do You Need to Know?

15. Writing It Down: A Joint Agreement about Sexual Boundaries

16. Why Else Do Straight Men Have Sex with Men?: A Miscellany

17. Next Steps: What Do I Ask after I Ask, “Is My Husband Gay?”

Appendix. How To Keep Your Therapy On Track 

About the Authors

Joe Kort, PhD, MSW, MA, is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist and a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist specializing in sex therapy and sexual identity. He is a member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the Academy of Certified Social Workers, and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).He is the author of three books, including Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide .

Alexander P. Morgan, PhD, is a scientist and writer. He is the co-author of When He’s Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment , written with Dr. Kenneth Adams. A Woodrow Wilson Fellow and a National Science Foundation Fellow, he is a recipient of the Melville Medal from the American Society of Mechanical Engineers. He has published more than fifty professional articles. Dr. Morgan works with a variety of healthcare professionals to bring their expertise to the public in clear and accessible language.

To schedule a book signing with Joe Kort at your book store
call 248-399-7317 or email joekort@joekort.com


  • Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? is a smart, contemporary look at a controversial issue. This is the only book I have ever seen that addresses the complexities of men's sexuality with empathy and a direct language that both men and women will find helpful. Clinicians who work with couples will turn again and again to this book for answers to this contemporary quandary as more and more couples struggle with the boundaries of male sexuality. Kort and Morgan give clear answers and direction and explain how to talk about relationships and betrayal while moving our understanding of sexuality forward into a new era of openness and maturity. Thank you, Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan. 

    -Dr. Tammy Nelson
  • For decades, husbands and wives have faced the social tendency to shame, fear, and denounce husbands who have sex with men. Kort and Morgan's book offers a compassionate and understanding view that is grounded in science and clinical practice, rather than fear. Their book offers a surprising and pleasing depth to the understanding of this phenomenon and does not treat it in simplistic, black and white ways. Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? offers up a sophisticated view of masculine sexuality and eroticism that is sorely needed. Their work is a gift to the many husbands and wives out there who are struggling to understand the husband's same-sex attractions and trying to figure out where to go from here.

    -David J. Ley, Ph.D.
  • Male sexual fluidity is a cutting-edge, and sometimes confusing, topic. With empathy and insight Kort distills his years of experience helping couples decode and deal with a spectrum of scenarios into a single compelling volume. 

    -Ian Kerner, sexuality counselor
  • Seasoned couples therapist Joe Kort and scientist Alexander P. Morgan shine a clear and compassionate light on a much needed and little discussed topic—what to do if you think your husband may be gay. They walk readers through the distinctions between being gay, bi, or straight with an attraction to male sexuality. This is not a theoretical conversation but a hands-on guide to a complex, and often overwhelming, situation. Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? has the power to save marriages and change lives. 

    -Terrence Real, bestselling author and family therapist
  • Is my Husband Gay, Straight or Bi? is a wonderful collection of case studies, therapy practices, and research-based information that illustrate the diverse range of behaviors, emotions, and psychological states of husbands (and in turn their wives) who think, suspect, or believe they are gay or bisexual, whether or not their identity actually fits the complex definition of homosexuality or bisexuality. The detailed examples, psychological theories, and therapeutic protocols in this book will be helpful to husbands, wives, and couples who seek clarity in this confusing situation and especially useful to therapists with such clients. 

    -Amity Pierce Buxton, PhD.
  • Is my Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? is a work of great significance. Dr. Kort has crafted a clear, no-nonsense, compassionate book that will benefit the lay-public as much as his professional colleagues. Written with the experienced and kind voice of an expert sex-therapist, Kort explores variations of human sexual behavior with well-deserved authority. This book is illuminating reading for couples in distress and a “must-read” for anyone who works in the field of sexual health. 

    -Evelyn Resh, MPH, CNM, Sexuality Counselor
  • This is an amazing book. It uncovers the truth about many men who have sex with other men who are not necessarily gay. Case examples illustrate the complexity of this phenomenon. A very useful resource for men and women who are dealing with this issue in their lives and relationships – and any professionals who want to understand them.

    -Eli Coleman, Ph.D., Professor of Human Sexuality, University of Minnesota
  • A brave and much needed exploration of the diversity of sexuality. Kort frees sexuality by discussing the health and beauty of diverse arousal patterns by breaking the limits of gay, straight, and bisexuality.

    -Chris Donaghue, PhD, LCSW, CST; Certified Sex and Couples Therapist

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