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Relationship Therapy and Coaching for Lesbian or Bisexual Female Couples

Many therapists think that working with lesbian couples is like working with any couple. This is false. Research shows that for lesbian couples, the “doubling” factor is important to consider. Same-gendered couples are characterized by a doubling  of the qualities traditionally associated with each gender role. By both being women and socialized as females, the relationship is influenced by the way in which both partners relate to one another. Without understanding this,  therapists are limited in being able to help these couples. Some of the unique issues lesbian couples face include:

  • Lack of ability to tolerate differences
  • Overly focused on the other
  • Suppressing feelings of anger
  • Difficulty expressing individual wants 

The number one reason couples enter therapy is poor communication. Poor communication stems from taking things personally that partners do and say getting in the way of dealing with issues. The things couples argue over are never the real issues. Couples therapy helps you find out what you are really fighting about so that you resolve the conflict and stop looping over and over again with the same fight.

Couples therapy works best if you have more goals for yourself  than for your partner. Problems occur when reality departs sharply from our expectations, hopes, desires and concerns. It’s human nature to try and change one’s partner instead of adjusting our expectations. 

The hardest part of couples therapy is accepting you will need to improve your response to a problem (how you think about it, feel about it, or what to do about it). Very few people want to focus on improving their response. It’s more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the improving.

You can’t change your partner. Your partner can’t change you. You can influence each other, but that doesn’t mean you can change each other. Becoming a more effective partner is the most efficient way to change a relationship.

Upcoming Events

  • Imago Relationship Therapy

    Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of relationship therapy innovated by Harville Hendrix, author of the two Best Sellers "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples," and "Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide for Singles."  IRT integrates and extends the insights of the major western psychological systems, behavioral science and spiritual disciplines into a uniquely comprehensive and systemic theory of primary love relationships.

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  • Mixed Orientation Marriages

    A mixed orientation marriage (MOM) or mixed orientation relationship (MOR) has one spouse gay or bisexual and the other heterosexual. Dr. Kort is a leading expert in this "New Mixed Marriage"  We work with either the couple together or individually depending on the need of each situation.

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  • Sexual Identity Issues

    As important as ethnic and racial identifications can be, deeper and more important is our sexual identity , also called sexual orientation . That word “sexual” is misleading. A person’s sexual identity is not just about sex. It is more like a tribal identity than a signifier of sexual preferences. Sexual interests, sexual behavior, and sexual identity are different and are not always aligned in an individual. 

    Learn More and Order

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