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IN THIS ISSUE OF KORT'S KORNER:

News from Joe Kort & Associates' Websites & Blogs

New Website: GayAffirmativeTherapy.com

Coming Soon: StraightGuise.com (the website)

Trainings for therapists: Networker Symposium in March, 2008 in Washington, DC

Joe Interviewed in The Advocate: Public Sex Confidential


Joe's Book Updates: Blurbs from Harville Hendrix and Jette Simon

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For past issues of Kort's Korner go to the archives page at

To read Joe's blogs called Gay Affirmative Therapy and Straight Guise It is about current events, books, workshops, articles, movies and anything related to my specialties within my private practice.

Joe Kort's areas of expertise for individuals and couples are:

Individual, Group and Couple's Psychotherapy

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

Frequently Asked Questions about hiring Joe Kort for his services

Joe Kort's areas of specialties are:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity
Sexual Anorexia
Sexual Abuse
Straight men who have sex with men
Erotic Intelligence
Chemical Dependency
Imago Relationship Therapy
Monogamy/Nonmonogamy Issues
Breakup Recovery
Coming Out Issues
Gay Affirmative Therapy
Depression and Anxiety Disorders

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“I encourage all therapists worth their salt to read this brilliant and important book, whether or not they treat gays and lesbians. While it is theoretically sound and clinically instructive, the chief value of this book is its humanization of therapy, challenging us all to face our demons and accept the fact of difference. It is essentially about therapeutic justice. I hope this book gets the visibility it deserves.”
—Harville Hendrix, PhD, cofounder of Imago Relationship Therapy, and author of Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship By Letting Yourself Be Loved

“This book is the essential guide for the straight therapist working with gay and lesbian clients. Avoiding politically correct sermonizing, Kort brings together clinically relevant research while challenging the attitudes and common myths that can get in the way of effective therapy. Refreshingly direct and clinically practical, this is one of the most readable and nuanced books about therapy I’ve seen in a long time.”
—Jette Simon, Clinical Psychologist and Director, The Washington D.C. Training Institute for Couples Therapy

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From WW Norton Books Website

It has been over three decades since the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality as a category of deviant behavior from the DSM. Same-sex marriage is recognized in certain states, gay-straight alliances are springing up in high schools across the country, and major religious denominations are embracing gay clergy. Yet despite the sea change of attitudes toward homosexuality, many well-meaning straight therapists are still at a loss as to how to effectively counsel their gay and lesbian clients.

This book will offer straight therapists the tools they need to counsel gay and lesbian clients effectively.

This book presents principles of gay affirmative therapy (GAT). GAT is not a specific system of doing therapy but rather a framework for clinicians to approach work with gay and lesbian clients. Some of the fundamental principles of GAT include: understanding and combating heterosexism; recognizing heterosexual privilege where it exists—institutionally, legally, and societally; and understanding and combating your own homophobia—and that of your clients. In general, GAT explores the trauma, shame, alienation, isolation, and neglect that occur to lesbians and gays as children.

This book also explains what GAT is not. GAT does not mean that therapists blame homophobia for everything and overlook mental and emotional problems. It does not de-emphasize emotional disorders and avoid examining any pathology. It does not explain and eradicate all the problems faced by gays and lesbians.

Does this seem confusing? Then you’re on the right track! As therapists, your responsibility is to be armed with all the up-to-date information. Knowing all the ways problems can arise, you can then assess with clients—and with their help—what applies and what doesn’t. This book provides concrete guidelines for getting to the heart of the matter with clients. It will help you examine your own imprinted heterosexism and develop comfortable, appreciative feelings about homosexuality so you can successfully work with gay clients. It will help you screen yourself for any covert homophobia and it will help you approach your work with gay and lesbian clients in a manner most likely to be successful.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1 Psychotherapy for Lesbians and Gays: Setting
the Gay Record—Straight!

2. What Is Gay Affirmative Therapy?

3. Growing Up Lesbian or Gay

4. Covert Cultural Sexual Abuse

5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder From Growing
Up Lesbian or Gay

6. Developmental Insults

7. Coming Out

8. Helping Families of Lesbians and Gays

9. Lesbian and Gay Sexuality

10. Working With Today’s Lesbian and Gay Couples

11. The New Mixed Marriage: One Lesbian or Gay
Spouse and One Straight

12. Gay Affirmative Therapy Principles in Clinical
Practice: Establishing a Differential Diagnosis

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To pre-order click here >>> "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

My goal is to help men who have sex with men understand their "own" sexual identity while not feeling forced or pressured to self-identify as gay, bisexual or straight and everything in between.

Just because you are a man who has sex with another man doesn't mean you are bisexual or gay!

Even though the following article and interview with Lisa Diamond is primarily about women, I believe that men are not far off from sexual fluidity.

Q&A with Lisa Diamond
By Pagan Kennedy

December 30, 2007

IN 1995, LISA DIAMOND traversed New York State in a beat-up car,
visiting softball games, picnics, and gay-pride parades. She was hunting for
young women who had experienced same-sex attraction (even if it was fleeting).
Diamond wanted to find out how such women understand - and label - their own
desires.
more stories like this
In this country, we tell a certain story
about homosexuality: We believe that people who come out as gay almost always
stick with that gay identity for the rest of their lives. Diamond's research
reveals that - at least for some females - that story might be wrong.
She
followed dozens of women for 10 years, as they graduated from college, worked
their first jobs, fell in love, changed their minds, and tumbled into the arms
of new partners. Most women's behavior had little to do with the "gay for life"
story. Some switched their sexual identity many times. In fact, when asked to
define themselves as "gay," "straight" or "bisexual," a number of women refused
to take any label at all. Others invented their own labels; for instance, one
interviewee called herself a "reluctant heterosexual."
About one-fourth of
the women reported that their choice of sexual partners had nothing to do with
gender. "Deep down," said one woman, "it's just a matter of who I meet and fall
in love with, and it's not their body, it's something behind the eyes." These
women often had no words for the way their hearts were wired.
As soon as
Diamond began publishing in academic journals, she discovered just how
controversial - and easy to distort - her findings might be. Christian-right
groups have trumpeted her data as proof that homosexuality is optional. Her
research has become fodder for therapists who claim to be able to "cure" gay men
by turning them straight. In a forthcoming book, "Sexual Fluidity," the University of Utah professor talks back to all those who have misrepresented her
data. Sexual attraction may be quirky and mercurial, she says, but it is
certainly not under our control.

To read the questions and answers go to Straightguise.com "Sexual Fluidity"

March 13th - 16th, 2008
Omni Shoreham Hotel - Washington, DC

www.psychotherapynetworker.org
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Unfree To Be Me: Preventing and Healing the Abuse of Gay Youth

Many therapists ask, “How can you tell if a child or teenager is gay or lesbian?” There is no rule of thumb nor any scientific literature that claims to know for sure. But the gay clients in your office were once gay children and teenager--and they will tell you that for sure. The trauma done to the neglect and abuse of these children is profound. Therapists have an opportunity to help these children and their families to reduce the amount of psychological damage that is done through neglect, bullying and lack of acceptance.

This workshop will focus on how to address children and teenagers who self-identify as gay or lesbian and their families.

Learning Objectives:

1. Identity ways to help gay and lesbian children and teenagers.

2. Address therapist's anxiety around how to ask and address a child/teenager's homosexuality.

3. Learn ways to help parents cope with having a gay child as well as helping the child cope with unaccepting parents.

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When Gay Guise Happens to Straight Marriages

When a male spouse in a heterosexual marriage reveals he fantasizes about having sex with men, is caught looking at online gay porn and in gay chat rooms, and possibly is having sex with men, women--and these men--often worry that he is gay and that the marriage needs to end. However, for many of these men this is not about gayness. A variety of reasons exist as to why men seek other men for sexhave sex with another man which are not about a gay identity. Some of these men wish to engage in sexual contact with their wives which she will not do. He believes his sexual contact with men is "not cheating". Therapists, being politically correct, often believe the man is in denial about his homosexuality and move him in a direction toward coming out gay when--in fact--he is not.

In this workshop, we'll discuss ways of dealing with the reactivity of the "betrayed" wife, confronting our own and the couple's homophobia, understand the male's interest in sexual contact with men, and helping the couple decide what course is best for them.

1. Understand the psychological meaning of the arousal template of the men who seek sex with men (MSM's) who are not gay or bisexual.

2. Learn to help the couple communicate in non-reactive ways about sexuality and to understand what the behavior means and how it impacts the marriage.

3. Address the fears, anxieties and insecurities of these wives about her husband's sexual interests and how to help her listen effectively to him without it being personalized.

Public Sex Confidential

Denizet-Lewis asks:

So what is it that still drives some in the gay community out of the bedroom and into the Bathroom?

And the article is a well-researched response to some of the reasons. One is how compelling it is for gay men to find straight men in public bathrooms:

One powerful motivating factor for many gay men seeking sex in public
places is the belief that they will find the ultimate sexual prize there:
“straight” men. You won’t bump into many married or self-identified straight
guys in gay bars, but you will find them in public sex places, where they
believe their anonymity is best protected, and where they can get
no-strings-attached gay sex without the hassle of having to actually talk to gay
people (many public sex encounters are done without exchanging a word).

“The reality is that gay men are tripping over each other in public
places to service the guys that carry themselves in the most masculine way
possible, the guys that they believe will then go home to their wives or their
straight lives,” says Joe Kort, a psychotherapist and the author of 10 Smart
Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives.

“Straight guys are the ultimate unavailable man, but for a few minutes
in the darkness gay men can have them. And for many gay men it’s the first time,
and the only real place, where they will feel seen, accepted, and validated as
sexual people by straight men. But in the context of public sex, it’s a twisted
form of validation.”

Undercover cops looking to arrest men engaged in public sex understand
that appearing straight carries currency in parks and bathrooms. Richard
Tewksbury’s study “Conversation at the Oasis” -- published in the March 22,
2007, issue of The Journal of Men’s Studies -- details the following
conversation between a cruiser and an undercover police officer on a park nature
trail:

Suspect: You come down here much?

Officer: This is my first time. I just heard about it on the
Internet.

Suspect: You’re a good-looking man.

Officer: Thanks. My wife thinks so too.

The study surveyed police records of 127 cases of public gay sex in a
California city between 1995 and 2005. Tewksbury found that awareness of the
potential for arrest “does not appear to deter cruising activity,” which might
explain why Couture and others don’t believe that Larry Craig’s arrest will keep
men from seeking out public sex. On the contrary, Couture says. “Thanks to good
old Larry Craig,” he tells me, “every man in the United States now knows exactly
how to go about getting sex in a bathroom.”

To read the entire story go to
The Advocate

Introduction
Start Your Hero's Journey and Let Your Initiation Begin!
Chapter 1
Live in Integrity and Be Accountable to Yourself and Your Partner
Chapter 2
Become the Man You Were Meant to Be
Chapter 3
Discover How What You Hate Can Help You Love
Chapter 4
Go from a Gay Boy to a Gay Man with Your Father
Chapter 5
Recognize the Difference Between Mommy Nearest, Mommy Dearest, and Mommy Queerest
Chapter 6
Learn How To Disarm--Not Strong-arm--Your Partner In Communication
Chapter 7
Know Your Sexual Shadow
Chapter 8
Understand the New Mixed Marriage: When Three's a Crowd
Chapter 9
How to Call It Quits Without Being a Quitter
Chapter 10
Bring Your Own Shadow

By showing how to look closely at the deepest sources of your wants and needs,
"10 SMART THINGS GAY MEN CAN DO TO FIND REAL LOVE"
will help you achieve the kind of lasting close relationships you deserve.

Visit Joe's library to purchase the book.
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"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives

Introduction
What Works? And What Doesn’t
Chapter 1
Take Charge of Their Own Lives
Chapter 2
Affirm Themselves by Coming Out
Chapter 3
Resolve Differences With Parents and Relatives
Chapter 4
"Graduate" From Delayed Adolescence
Chapter 5
Avoid-or Overcome-Sexual Addiction
Chapter 6
Learn from Successful Mentors Who've Been There, Done That
Chapter 7
Take Advantage of "Therapy Workouts"
Chapter 8
Achieve-and Maintain-Rewarding Relationships
Chapter 9
Understand the Stages of Loves
Chapter 10
Commit to Their Partner

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Foreign translations of Joe's First Book

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at Joe's Books
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Click on the images of the books to purchase Joe's two published books at Joe's library .
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As a psychotherapist,

If you have gay & lesbian clients,

It’s not enough to be gay-friendly.

The fact is, even the best intentioned therapists have some level of homophobia to overcome. From birth, heterosexist culture imprints us to think that heterosexuality is primary, and that any other orientation is inferior.

It’s not even enough to be gay yourself.

Gay or straight, we’re taught the homonegative belief that the "alternate lifestyle" of being gay is a more difficult way to live. But the "alternative" of living heterosexually is actually harder for lesbians and gay men, and can lead only to depression and self-defeating, or even self-destructive behaviors.

Learn the issues that gay men & lesbians face.

They may surprise you!

Now ready for PRE-ORDER:

Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician:
The Essential Guide

In press
from WW Norton Books due out in 2008*

The FIRST BOOK for helping straight clinicians work with Gays and Lesbians
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To pre-order click here >>> "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

This book will offer skills and information to straight therapist working with gay, bisexual and lesbian clients. It is not enough to be gay friendly. It is crucial that therapists be armed with the facts and information to do effective work with their gay, lesbian and bisexual clients.

It is based on my work with Gay and Lesbian clients, my own personal journey as a gay male and psychotherapist of 21 years, along with the information I teach at Wayne State University's School of Social Work on Lesbian and Gay Studies
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Autographed Books

You can purchase an autographed copy of Joe's books by using a credit card or sending a check, money order to

Joe Kort, LMSW, 25600 Woodward Ave., Suite 218, Royal Oak, MI 48067

$25 per book (includes shipping and handling)
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If you want to book a signing or workshop anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.