Hello Everyone,

If you are new to Kort's Korner I want to welcome you. If you were gone for a while and have returned I want to welcome you back. And if you know of others would be interested in this newsletter please feel free to forward it onto them. To be taken off the list go to the end of this email and click on unsubscribe.

IN THIS ISSUE OF KORT'S KORNER:

News from Joe Kort & Associates: Joe's New Blogs, "Outside the Kort Room" and "Straight Guise"

Life after Maud: The Arrival of Tessa!

Relationship Classes and Workshops: I SEE STRAIGHT PEOPLE!

Straight Acting Guise: When Your Client is Homosexual, Not Gay.

Joe's Book Updates

For past issues of Kort's Korner go to the archives at

I have started two new blogs called Outside The Kort Room and Straight Guise It is about current events, books, workshops, articles, movies and anything related to my specialties within my private practice.

Joe Kort's areas of expertise for individuals and couples are:

Individual, Group and Couple's Psychotherapy

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

Frequently Asked Questions about hiring Joe Kort for his services

Joe Kort's areas of specialties are:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity
Sexual Anorexia
Sexual Abuse
Straight men who have sex with men
Erotic Intelligence
Chemical Dependency
Imago Relationship Therapy
Monogamy/Nonmonogamy Issues
Breakup Recovery
Coming Out Issues
Gay Affirmative Therapy
Depression and Anxiety Disorders

The article about her passing is here And Then There's Maud

My partner, Mike, and I spent the entire summer going 3 hours west every other weekend to see the new puppies to pick out our next Welsh Terrier.

If you read the article I wrote on Maud you would know that I wanted a more passive dog. A very passive dog! LOL! But Mike does not like that so we found one in between. The dog jury is out what her personality is like overall as she is only 9 weeks old.

So far she hasn't given me the finger! And that is a good thing to me.

She is the CUTEST thing and we love her.

"Getting The Love You Want" Lesbian/Gay Couples Workshop
in Royal Oak, MI

Gay and Lesbian Workshop October 19-21, 2007

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Back by popular demand!

"Getting The Love You Want" Heterosexual Couples Workshop in
Royal Oak, MI

Heterosexual Couples Workshop November 9-11, 2007

Royal Oak, Michigan in Joe Kort's Office
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Yes, I see straight people!

I am asked this all the time given that I am gay and a lot of my writing and marketing is about homosexuality.

I feel like the boy in the movie, “Sixth Sense” who says, “I see dead people”.

My practice consists of 60% heterosexuals and 40% lesbians, gays and bisexuals and it has been consistent that way throughout my career.

Historically I would not come out at the straight couple’s workshop believing that it was not appropriate for the couples to have to deal with my gayness. I would not refer to my partner, Mike, as a female however I would simply say “they” or “them” as if I were married to a group of people. Try as I might I was not successful in hiding my sexual and romantic orientation so I slipped and said “he” and by the end of the first two straight workshops the couples knew I was gay. So I decided to be out and open at my straight weekends.

At the next one I saw a couple who did not know about me or Imago. They saw a small ad I placed in a small Royal Oak, MI paper for a couples workshop and registered.

The husband, John had a military hair cut and his wife, Laurie, had a soccer mom look to her. My internalized homophobia was raised and my judgments were high and I thought for sure they would have a problem learning that the facilitator was gay. Sure enough when I came out John raised his hand and asked, “With all due respect, Mr. Kort. How are you, a gay man in relationship with another man going to be able to help me--a straight man in relationship with a woman?”

I felt the question was very legitimate and so I mirrored John and validated him. Then I told him that I was certain that Imago was a gender-neutral model and that male-female dynamics—while important—was not what the workshop focused on. I promised him that if he was not satisfied with the workshop by the end I would provide him with a full refund given that he did not know the facilitator would be gay.

He talked it over with his wife and they agreed to stay.

By Sunday after a very difficult—but successful--Behavior Change Request between John and Laurie he approached me tearful and told me this was the best weekend of his life with his wife. He asked if I would be open to a hug. I welcomed it. (I welcome hugs from straight men at any time by the way!) It was a healing experience for both of us.

I thought I would share this funny and healing story with all of you as I make my comeback as a workshop facilitator for straight couples.

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Below is my fall schedule for relationship workshop, classes and groups:

Keeping the Love You Find: A Relationship Class for Straight, Gay, & Lesbian Singles October 2 to November 6, 2007
Every Tuesday night 8-10PM
Royal Oak, MI

Getting the Love You Want (Gay and Lesbian Couples) October 19 to 21, 2007
Royal Oak, MI

Getting the Love You Want (Heterosexual Couples) November 9 to 11, 2007
Royal Oak, MI

Each workshop and class is held in the office of Joe Kort

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I am presenting these workshops for couples and singles based on the best-selling book, "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" and “Keeping The Love You Find: A Guide for Singles” both by Dr. Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. which can be purchased in Joe's library

ABOUT THE COUPLE'S WORKSHOPS

The couple’s workshops are worth 6 months of work and time in couple's therapy. While not a therapy weekend, it is very psycho-educational and therapeutic. You will learn several effective communication exercises which start you in the right direction to work through hard conversations and resolve conflicts with your partner

This is not group therapy of any kind.

Couples often worry that they will be asked to disclose personal information within their relationship. This is not true. The majority of the workshop is private for the couples in terms of what they are discussing. Often couples will come through the workshop and never say anything publicly about the inner workings of their relationship. There is no pressure or requirement for group sharing. The confidentiality and privacy of your relationship is assured unless you decide to disclose yourself at the workshop. This keeps the workshop safe and effective.

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Relationship Class for Straight Singles and Gay/Lesbian Singles

SIX WEEK WORKSHOP FOR STRAIGHT, LESBIAN & GAY SINGLES

Every Tuesday 8-10 pm, October 2-November 13, 2007 in Royal Oak, MI

ABOUT THE SINGLES WORKSHOP

This 6 week workshop is appropriate for singles not currently in a relationship, who are tired of making the same mistakes over and over again and want to learn the secret to finding and keeping lasting love. This workshop is all about transforming the self.

Often we are tempted to think the problem is "finding the right person”. But this workshop is all about "becoming the right person”.

This workshop is also an ideal follow-up workshop for those who have taken the couples workshop. Couples have gone through this workshop together after the couple’s workshop. It is a great opportunity to reflect on one's self within the relationship.

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For more information about cost and times and/or to register for the Relations Classes and Workshops go to REGISTRATION

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GROUP THERAPY OPENINGS FOR GAY MEN ARE ALSO AVAILABLE.
Tuesdays 5:30 to 7:30PMRoyal Oak, MI

For more information go to http://www.joekort.com/tgroup1.htm.

This weekend in the New York Times an article appeared titled, "America’s Toe-Tapping Menace" By Laura M. MacDonald published on September 2, 2007.

In it she writes:

In 1970, Laud Humphreys published the groundbreaking dissertation he wrote as a doctoral candidate at Washington University called “Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Public Places.” Because of his unorthodox methods — he did not get his subjects’ consent, he tracked down names and addresses through license plate numbers, he interviewed the men in their homes in disguise and under false pretenses — “Tearoom Trade” is now taught as a primary example of unethical social research.

That said, what results! In minute, choreographic detail, Mr. Humphreys (who died in 1988) illustrated that various signals — the foot tapping, the hand waving and the body positioning — are all parts of a delicate ritual of call and answer, an elaborate series of codes that require the proper response for the initiator to continue. Put simply, a straight man would be left alone after that first tap or cough or look went unanswered.

Whether MacDonald and others believe Humphrey’s research to be unorthodox or not, it is true that there are men who seek sex in public restrooms with other men and it has been going on for years.

Laud Humphreys discovered that 54 percent of the men he studied were married and living with their wives, 38 percent did not consider themselves homosexual or bisexual, and only 14 per cent identified themselves as openly gay. Tearoom Trade: Impersonal Sex in Personal Places, a doctoral thesis which was published in 1970, detailed exactly the pattern—of foot-tapping in code, hand-gestures and other tactics—which has lately been garishly publicized at the Minneapolis-St Paul airport men's room. The word "tearoom" seems to have become archaic, but in all other respects the fidelity to tradition is impressive.

This is not a "gay" thing this type of behavior is a "guy" thing.

As a friend of mine said, "If it were a gay thing then women would be engaging in this behavior in bathroom stalls as well!"
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An article by Rick Leggio in the Dallas Voice

Gay? No. Homosexual? Maybe

"He is homosexual, by his own guilty plea after being arrested for public loo trolling on June 11, 2007. But being gay requires, at the barest minimum, self-identification and acceptance of a same-sex orientation".

Read the entire article at Dallas Voice
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Here are my thoughts on being homosexual and not gay:

Homosexual is a sexual orientation. Gay is an affirmative identity.

Plenty of men--and women for that matter--understand that their sexual orientation is homosexual. However, how they self-identify can be very different.

The reason this is so controversial is twofold. Gay men--such as myself--would never dream of not fulfilling their core authentic selves and they shouldn't.

However, in my practice I see many men and women who understand that they are homosexual and do not want to live as a gay man or lesbian. Who am I or anyone else to tell them they "should" live that way.

For many their religious beliefs, ethnicity, personal values, family ethics are too strong for them to go against. For these folks, living an out gay or lesbian life would mean depression even though most psychology would predict a life of depression not doing so.

But we are talking about two different things--being in the closet and being out. The homosexual men and women I treat who do not want to be self-identified as gay or lesbian are not in the closet. They recognize and accept that they have homosexual urges, feelings and desires and that if they choose to do so they would be gay or lesbian but they choose not to do so.

This is different than reparative therapies or any other program which tells its members they can change from gay to straight--turn their homosexuality into heterosexuality. This is hogwash!

Organizations such as the American Counseling Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Association of Social Workers have all denounced these reparative attempts.

These reparative therapies only lead to a life of depression not because they are suppressing their core selves but because they are being taught to hate and reject who they are at their core and lied to that change is possible.

Living heterosexually and being homosexual is possible as long as shame and self-hate are not part of the equation.

Those reading this would say, "Well, isn't that living in shame if you are homosexual but choose not to live that way?"

To read on go to Straight Guise

WORKSHOP TITLE:

Follow the Erotica Road: How Sexual Fantasies Uncover the Healing for Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

I base my work on the works of Esther Perel, Michael Bader, Patrick Carnes, Jack Morin and others in helping individuals and couples heal from sexual addiction, sexual abuse and other sexual problems.

"Tell me about your childhood and I will tell you how you make love". --Esther Perel

This is what Esther Perel says in her book. I follow her line of thinking and teach therapists how to do this in this training. I also teach clients how to do this for themselves to stop their compulsive sexual acting out and learn more information about themselves.

This is at the core how sex addicts develop their sexual maps--in childhood. The compulsively and addicted ways are a result of trauma, abuse and neglect. All of this will be addressed at this workshop.

Introduction
Start Your Hero's Journey and Let Your Initiation Begin!
Chapter 1
Live in Integrity and Be Accountable to Yourself and Your Partner
Chapter 2
Become the Man You Were Meant to Be
Chapter 3
Discover How What You Hate Can Help You Love
Chapter 4
Go from a Gay Boy to a Gay Man with Your Father
Chapter 5
Recognize the Difference Between Mommy Nearest, Mommy Dearest, and Mommy Queerest
Chapter 6
Learn How To Disarm--Not Strong-arm--Your Partner In Communication
Chapter 7
Know Your Sexual Shadow
Chapter 8
Understand the New Mixed Marriage: When Three's a Crowd
Chapter 9
How to Call It Quits Without Being a Quitter
Chapter 10
Bring Your Own Shadow

By showing how to look closely at the deepest sources of your wants and needs,
"10 SMART THINGS GAY MEN CAN DO TO FIND REAL LOVE"
will help you achieve the kind of lasting close relationships you deserve.

Visit Joe's library to purchase the book.
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"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives

Introduction
What Works? And What Doesn’t
Chapter 1
Take Charge of Their Own Lives
Chapter 2
Affirm Themselves by Coming Out
Chapter 3
Resolve Differences With Parents and Relatives
Chapter 4
"Graduate" From Delayed Adolescence
Chapter 5
Avoid-or Overcome-Sexual Addiction
Chapter 6
Learn from Successful Mentors Who've Been There, Done That
Chapter 7
Take Advantage of "Therapy Workouts"
Chapter 8
Achieve-and Maintain-Rewarding Relationships
Chapter 9
Understand the Stages of Loves
Chapter 10
Commit to Their Partner

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Foreign translations of Joe's First Book

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at Joe's Books
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Click on the images of the books to purchase Joe's two published books at Joe's library .
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Now ready for PRE-ORDER:

Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician:
The Essential Guide

In press
from WW Norton Books due out in 2007*

The FIRST BOOK for helping straight clinicians work with Gays and Lesbians
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As a psychotherapist, if you have gay and lesbian clients,

It’s not enough to be gay-friendly.

The fact is, even the best intentioned therapists have some level of homophobia to overcome.

From birth, heterosexist culture imprints us to think that heterosexuality is primary, and that any other orientation is inferior.

It’s not even enough to be gay yourself.

Gay or straight, we’re taught the homo-negative belief that the "alternate lifestyle" of being gay is a more difficult way to live. But the "alternative" of living heterosexually is actually harder for gay men and lesbians, and can lead only to depression and self-defeating, or even self-destructive behaviors.

Learn the issues that gay men and lesbians face.

They may surprise you!

To pre-order click here >>> "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

This book will offer skills and information to straight therapist working with gay, bisexual and lesbian clients. It is not enough to be gay friendly. It is crucial that therapists be armed with the facts and information to do effective work with their gay, lesbian and bisexual clients.

It is based on my work with Gay and Lesbian clients, my own personal journey as a gay male and psychotherapist of 21 years, along with the information I teach at Wayne State University's School of Social Work on Lesbian and Gay Studies
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Autographed Books

You can purchase an autographed copy of Joe's books by using a credit card or sending a check, money order to

Joe Kort, LMSW, 25600 Woodward Ave., Suite 218, Royal Oak, MI 48067

$25 per book (includes shipping and handling)
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If you want to book a signing or workshop anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.