1. News at Joe Kort & Associates 

2. "The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop" by David McWhirter & Andrew Mattison

3. Cruising versus Flirting

4. Bring in the New Year with "Reclaiming The Man in the Mirror" Dec. 31, 2006 to Jan. 7, 2007 

5. Is your car gay? Find out at Gaywheels.com!

6. Joe's Book Updates

Psychotherapy Services

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

Frequently Asked Questions

The following are Joe Kort's areas of specialties:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

Sexual Anorexia

Sexual Abuse

Erotic Intelligence

Chemical Dependency

Imago Relationship Therapy

Monogamy/Nonmonogamy Issues

Breakup Recovery

Coming Out Issues

Gay Affirmative Therapy

Depression and Anxiety Disorders
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Have a great September and enjoy Fall!

Warmly, Joe Kort, LMSW

Author David McWhirter died unexpectedly July 28, 2006.

His long-time partner, Andrew Mattison, died in December, 2005.

McWhirter and Mattison were most well known for their study on gay male relationships culminating in their book, The Male Couple (1984). This pioneering study - based upon extentive interviews with gay couples - was the first to document the stages of gay relationships, the fact of their longevity, and an understanding of stage-discrepant conflicts. It became a model for understanding how gay male relationships work.

The couple were together for 34 years.

They identified 6 stages of relationships for male couples:

Stage One--Blending (Year One)

1. Merging
2. Limerance
3. Equalizing of partnership
4. High sexual activity

Stage Two--Nesting (Years Two and Three)

1. Homemaking
2. Finding compatibility
3. Decline of limerance
4. Ambivalence

Stage Three--Maintaining (Years Four and Five)

1. Reappearance of the individual
2. Risk taking
3. Dealing with conflict
4. Establishing Traditions

Stage Four--Building (Years Six Throught Ten)

1. Collaborating
2. Increasing productivity
3. Establishing independence
4. Dependability of partners

Stage Five--Releasing (Years Eleven through Twenty)

1. Trusting
2. Merging of money and possessions
3. Constricting
4. Taking each other for granted

Stage Six--Renewing (Beyond Twenty Years)

1. Achieving security
2. Shifting perspectives
3. Restoring the partnerships
4. Remembering

To read more about these stages and more you can by the book at The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop.

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Let’s go outside

George Michael’s latest tabloid scandal raises questions about the ‘culture’ of cruising

By KATHERINE VOLIN
Friday, August 11, 2006

Eighties pop star George Michael’s latest tabloid scandal is raising questions about the role of cruising in gay male culture.

Last month, Michael was photographed by paparazzi emerging from the woods in London’s Hampstead Heath — a gay cruising site — after an alleged sexual encounter with another man. When confronted by photographers, Michael blamed gay “culture” for his behavior.

“Are you gay?” British tabloid “News of the World” quoted Michael as asking the photographer who snapped pictures of him after allegedly engaging in a sex act with a middle-aged, unemployed van driver. “No? Then fuck off. This is my culture.”

Cruising, or anonymous sex in public places, has long been part of the gay male experience, but Michael’s claim that such behavior is a part of gay “culture” has met with some raised eyebrows.

Michael Alvear, who writes the gay male sex advice column “Need Wood?,” which appears in the Blade, and is a sex and relationship coach on the British TV show “The Sex Inspectors,” says that he considers anonymous public sex to be a behavior of a minority of gay men.

“When [Michael] says cruising is part of our culture what he means is anonymous sex in public toilets is part of our culture and I reject that completely,” Alvear says. “To say that it’s an inherent part of our culture is wrong.”

ROB WEISS, A GAY social worker and therapist, says he considers anonymous sex to be more an issue of gender than sexual orientation.

“Certainly, cruising and anonymous sex is endemic to gay culture,” Weiss says. “There’s no question about that, but I don’t think gay men’s pursuit of sex is any different from straight men’s pursuit of sex.”

The female pursuit of sex may require more of a relational approach than cruising allows, says Joe Kort, a gay social worker and therapist who wrote “Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love.”

To read more of this article click here.

December 31-January 7, 2007

Esalen in Big Sur, California
esalen.org

This workshop is for partnered and/or single gay men. While male couples can attend it is not designed for the couple. Both partners can work together in exercises but the focus will be on them individually.

This workshop focuses on sex, love, and intimacy among gay men. Joe Kort writes: "Most people, gay and straight alike, do not know if their sexual fantasies and/or sexual acts are healthy versus unhealthy. The secret logic of sexual fantasies and desires can help unlock information stored away in a gay man's history that can help him enjoy his sexuality even more. There is an erotic intelligence that can teach a person how to know and understand himself in a deeper way."

This workshop starts out with the sexual aspects of relationships and moves to love and commitment. Gay men will learn the mystery of why they are drawn to Mr. Right and how to stay connected and partnered with the man of their dreams. This workshop will focus on how to incorporate sex, love, and intimacy, and how to keep and maintain a relationship.

*Come to UNCOVER and DISCOVER your Sexual Shadow!*
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ABOUT THE WORKSHOP:

We live in a sexually illiterate society. There is little to no permission to examine openly our sexuality in terms of orientation, behavior and fantasies. Most people, gay and straight alike, do not know if their sexual fantasies and/or sexual acts are healthy versus unhealthy. While gay men are more inclined to act out their sexual desires and fantasies more openly than their heterosexual counterparts, there still lies confusion as to what is positive and self-affirming and what is not.

There is also confusion about what is sex, what is love and what is intimacy. This workshop will explore the definitions of each of these and how to integrate them all together for gay men. Much of our culture as gay men, as well as for our heterosexual counterparts, are confused about how to make this integration. There is also confusion about how to have healthy sex, love and intimacy without having to have all of them combined.

This workshop will help clarify all of this.

 How do you define sex?

 What is healthy versus unhealthy sex?

 Do you understand the secret logic of your sexual fantasies?

 What is your sexual shadow?

 Are you sexually addicted, compulsive or just have a large sexual appetite?

 Do you carry sexual shame?

 How do you feel about your body?

 Do you want to improve your sex life?

 Are you getting the love you want in your relationship?

 Are you keeping the love you find when you think you found Mr. Right?

 What is your definition of love?

 What is your definition of intimacy?

 What are the stages of love?

These are just some of the questions we will be examining at the upcoming workshop. The workshop will include guided imagery, experiential exercises, communication exercises and lectures.

We will explore sexual behavior and fantasies with understanding, compassion, and without judgment.

For more information about Reclaiming the Man in the Mirror and for cost, times and registration go to Registration

There is a brand new website that lets you now if the car you own and/or are going to purchase is manufactured by a gay-friendly automotive company. I highly recommend you check it out. Below is their mission statement.

-----------------------------
Mission Statement:

Welcome to Gaywheels.com

Our goal is to be the gay-friendly automotive resource. We will achieve that by providing information about gay-friendly automotive companies and facilitating commerce with gay-friendly companies during the entire car-buying process.

10 Smart Things Gay Men
Can Do to Find Real Love
by Joe Kort
Reviewed by Bo Young

Joe Kort is a very good and dedicated therapist in Michigan. His last book, a similar decalogue of "smart things" gay men…or anyone, really…can do to make their lives better. This, of course, is the root definition we subscribe to at White Crane for what spirituality is: anything that fosters a more profound and nourishing relationship with yourself, those around you, and the world.

To read more go to White Crane Journal
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About "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love":

Chapter 1: Live in Integrity and Be Accountable to Yourself and Your Partner

Chapter 2: Become the Man You Were Meant to Be

Chapter 3: Discover How What You Hate Can Help You Love

Chapter 4: Go from a Gay Boy to a Gay Man with Your Father

Chapter 5: Recognize the Difference Between Mommy Nearest, Mommy Dearest, and Mommy Queerest

Chapter 6: Learn How To Disarm--Not Strong-arm--Your Partner In Communication

Chapter 7: Know Your Sexual Shadow

Chapter 8: Understand the New Mixed Marriage: When Three's a Crowd

Chapter 9: How to Call It Quits Without Being a Quitter

Chapter 10: Bring Your Own Shadow

Introduction: Start Your Hero's Journey and Let Your Initiation Begin!

By showing how to look closely at the deepest sources of your wants and needs, "10 SMART THINGS GAY MEN CAN DO TO FIND REAL LOVE" will help you achieve the kind of lasting close relationships you deserve.

Read an introduction to the book.

Visit http://www.amazon.com to purchase the book.

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Foreign translations of Joe's First Book

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at German Translation: and Spanish Translation:
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*Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician:
The Essential Guide*

In press from WW Norton Books by Joe in 2007.

A book for helping straight clinicians work with Gays and Lesbians
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As a psychotherapist, if you have gay and lesbian clients,

It’s not enough to be gay-friendly.

The fact is, even the best intentioned therapists have some level of homophobia to overcome.

From birth, heterosexist culture imprints us to think that heterosexuality is primary,and that any other orientation is inferior.

It’s not even enough to be gay yourself.

Gay or straight, we’re taught the homonegative belief that the "alternate lifestyle" of being gay is a more difficult way to live. But the "alternative" of living heterosexually is actually harder for gay men and lesbians, and can lead only to depression and self-defeating, or even self-destructive behaviors.

Learn the issues that gay men and lesbians face.

They may surprise you!

COMING From WW Norton Books by Joe Kort: "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

This book will offer skills and information to straight therapist working with gay, bisexual and lesbian clients. It is not enough to be gay friendly. It is crucial that therapists be armed with the facts and information to do effective work with their gay, lesbian and bisexual clients.

It is based on my work with Gay and Lesbian clients, my own personal journey as a gay male and psychotherapist of 21 years, along with the information I teach at Wayne State University's School of Social Work on Lesbian and Gay Studies
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Click on the images of the books to purchase Joe's two published books at Joe's library .

If you want to book a signing or workshop anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.