1. News at Joe Kort & Associates
   
2. Integrating Love, Sex and Intimacy – Erotic Intelligence Workshop June 11, 2006 Sunday
   
3. Book Review: Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.
   
4. What is Healthy Sexuality?
   
5. Bring in the New Year with Reclaiming The Man in the Mirror December 31, 2006 to January 7, 2007
   
6. Joe's Current and Future Book Updates

For archives of these newsletters go to Kort's Korner Archives
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Joe Kort & Associates, PC specialize in:

Psychotherapy Services

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

The following are their areas of specialties:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

Sexual Anorexia

Sexual Abuse

Erotic Intelligence

Chemical Dependency

Imago Relationship Therapy

Responsible Nonmonogamy

Breakup Recovery

Coming Out Issues

Gay Affirmative Therapy

Depression and Anxiety Disorders
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Have a great June!

Warmly, Joe Kort, LMSW

A workshop for gay, straight or bisexual men, women and their significant others.

ALL ARE WELCOME whether you a part of the Mankind Project or not.

By special invitation, the Rainbow Warrior Circle and ManKind Project Chicago warmly welcome Joe Kort, noted psychotherapist, author, workshop leader, and New Warrior Brother. Joe is returning to lead us in what promises to be a fascinating journey through the sexual subconscious.

What is the difference between lust, romantic love and attachment? How does each one help us find and get the love we want? This workshop will help unlock the mystery of why you desire the things you do. What sexual desires and fantasies do you most admire or dislike? Your peak erotic experiences and fantasies have coded information about you that can help you understand yourself better.
Sunday June 11, 2006

Kuempel Men’s Center
1900 W. Fulton
10 am—3 pm
Registration

The advanced registration fee is $20, or $25 at the door. Lunch is included. To pre register, please make your check out to "MKP Chicago" with Joe Kort in the memo line and send it to:

Kerry Fleming
5048 N. Marine Dr. #7C
Chicago, Ill 60640

For information, eMail Kerry Fleming at kwflemin@rcn.com or call (773) 907-0366.

To learn more about this workshop read Joe's articles Erotic Intelligence and Are You What You Orgasm

Recommended reading for this workshop is:

1. Erotic Mind by Jack Morin
2. Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies by Michael Bader
3. 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love (Chapter 7) by Joe Kort

These books can be found in Joe's library .

In his book, "Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred", Patrick Carnes—who coined the term sexual addiction—writes about sexual anorexia as a disorder that parallels sexual addiction and compulsivity, based on childhood sexual trauma. He describes it as “an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one’s life.” The sufferer is preoccupied with avoiding sex, and finds sex repulsive—which is quite different from having a low libido or simply being neutral and not interested in sex. For the most part, people with low sexual drives are not avoiding sex; they are unable to activate their libido, no matter how hard they try. They simply have no interest, because their desire has been squelched or is non-existent. They may be avoiding a partner who wants sex more than they do, but they are also trying to avoid having to face a low sexual desire.

Sexual Anorexia is defined by a set of characteristics that sufferers typically experience:

1. A pattern of resistance to anything sexual

2. Continuing that pattern of avoidance, even though they may
know it’s self-destructive (ie: harm a marriage, prevent
relationships)

3. Going to great lengths to avoid sexual contact or attention

4. Rigid or judgmental attitudes toward sexuality—their own, and
others

5. Resistance and avoidance of deeper, more painful life issues

6. Extreme shame and self-loathing about their bodies, sexual
attributes and experiences

7. Obsessing about sex and how to avoid it, to a point where it
interferes with normal living

8. Possible episodes of sexual bingeing or periods of sexual
compulsivity

To read more go to Sexual Anorexia

Before we can explore sex and sexual preferences, we need to understand healthy versus unhealthy sexuality. In his book Sexual Anorexia, Patrick Carnes has written the best description I’ve encountered on what is involved in the dimensions of healthy sexuality. Carnes describes these twelve dimensions as follows.

1. Nurturing—capacity to receive care from others and care for oneself.

2. Sensuality—awareness of physical senses that creates emotional, spiritual, and physical presence.

3. Self-image—positive self-perception that includes embracing your sexual self.

4. Self-definition—clear knowledge of both your positives and negatives, and ability to express boundaries as well as needs.

5. Comfort—capacity to feel at ease with yourself and others about sexual matters.

6. Knowledge—about sex in general and your own unique sexual patterns.

7. Relationship—capacity to enjoy intimacy and friendship with friends of both genders.

8. Partnership—ability to maintain a relationship that’s intimate and erotic, and interdependent but equal.

9. Nongenital sex—ability to express erotic desire emotionally and physically, without using your genitals.

10. Genital sex—ability to express erotic feelings freely.

11. Spirituality—ability to connect sexual desire and expression to the meaning of life.

12. Passion—capacity to express deeply held, meaningful feelings of desire about one’s sexual self and intimate relationships.

Consider whether your sexual desires, fantasies, and behaviors have these healthy dimensions. If not, that simply means you might want to seek out a therapist who understands how to help you understand them. But if you’re acting out any fantasy that puts you or others at risk in any way, you should seek help immediately.

This workshop is for partnered and/or single gay men. While male couples can attend it is not designed for the couple. Both partners can work together in exercises but the focus will be on them individually.

This workshop focuses on sex, love, and intimacy among gay men. Joe Kort writes: "Most people, gay and straight alike, do not know if their sexual fantasies and/or sexual acts are healthy versus unhealthy. The secret logic of sexual fantasies and desires can help unlock information stored away in a gay man's history that can help him enjoy his sexuality even more. There is an erotic intelligence that can teach a person how to know and understand himself in a deeper way."

This workshop starts out with the sexual aspects of relationships and moves to love and commitment. Gay men will learn the mystery of why they are drawn to Mr. Right and how to stay connected and partnered with the man of their dreams. This workshop will focus on how to incorporate sex, love, and intimacy, and how to keep and maintain a relationship.

*Come to UNCOVER and DISCOVER your Sexual Shadow!*
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ABOUT THE WORKSHOP:

We live in a sexually illiterate society. There is little to no permission to examine openly our sexuality in terms of orientation, behavior and fantasies. Most people, gay and straight alike, do not know if their sexual fantasies and/or sexual acts are healthy versus unhealthy. While gay men are more inclined to act out their sexual desires and fantasies more openly than their heterosexual counterparts, there still lies confusion as to what is positive and self-affirming and what is not.

There is also confusion about what is sex, what is love and what is intimacy. This workshop will explore the definitions of each of these and how to integrate them all together for gay men. Much of our culture as gay men, as well as for our heterosexual counterparts, are confused about how to make this integration. There is also confusion about how to have healthy sex, love and intimacy without having to have all of them combined.

This workshop will help clarify all of this.

 How do you define sex?

 What is healthy versus unhealthy sex?

 Do you understand the secret logic of your sexual fantasies?

 What is your sexual shadow?

 Are you sexually addicted, compulsive or just have a large sexual appetite?

 Do you carry sexual shame?

 How do you feel about your body?

 Do you want to improve your sex life?

 Are you getting the love you want in your relationship?

 Are you keeping the love you find when you think you found Mr. Right?

 What is your definition of love?

 What is your definition of intimacy?

 What are the stages of love?

These are just some of the questions we will be examining at the upcoming workshop. The workshop will include guided imagery, experiential exercises, communication exercises and lectures.

We will explore sexual behavior and fantasies with understanding, compassion, and without judgment.

For more information about Reclaiming the Man in the Mirror and for cost, times and registration go to Registration

If you want to book a signing or workshops I do anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.

Read an introduction to the "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love.
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Translations

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at German Translation: and Spanish Translation:

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COMING From WW Norton Books by Joe Kort: "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

This book will offer skills and information to straight therapist working with gay, bisexual and lesbian clients. It is not enough to be gay friendly. It is crucial that therapists be armed with the facts and information to do effective work with their gay, lesbian and bisexual clients.

It is based on my work with Gay and Lesbian clients, my own personal journey as a gay male and psychotherapist of 21 years, along with the information I teach at Wayne State University's School of Social Work on Lesbian and Gay Studies