Here's What It Means If You Catch Your Man Watching Gay Porn by Dr. Joe Kort
18 July 2017
As a sex and couples’ therapist, I have often seen the seismic reaction that occurs in a relationship when a woman discovers that her man has been looking at or searching for gay porn sites.
My latest article "Is All Fair in Love and Sex? How Couples Can Embrace their Sexual Differences"
17 July 2017
Most couples therapists, if they were to put aside their mask of neutrality, would agree that women are in a privileged position in therapy because they can usually access their feelings better and have a fuller command of the language for doing so, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. As a result, couples therapists often spend much of their time trying to get the man to act more like the woman, reclaiming the more feminine parts of himself to deepen his connection with his partner.
What is the Difference Between Bisexual Men and Straight Men Who Have Sex With Men?
16 July 2017
People always ask me what the difference is between a bisexual man and a straight man who has sex with men. Here is my answer!
06 July 2017
"The struggle over faith and sexuality is an important one for many to resolve in order to come out in a way that feels healthy and complete to them. With the rise and fall and rising again of services and pseudo-therapies that can feed into the idea that homosexuality is a choice and a bad one, my story gives a non-demonized, compassionate, humorous look at my own journey into these therapies over many years. Get a first hand look into organizations as Exodus, Living Waters, NARTH and reparative therapy and the people behind them."
Straight Acting Guise and Straight Guys: Why The Obsession By Gay Guys?
05 July 2017
In this video, Dr. Joe talks about the use of the description "straight acting" guys as well as why some gay men are obsessed with straight guys.
The turtle and the hail storm - Speaking of Partnership
15 June 2017
Hear a podcast in which I'm interviewed about relationships.
13 June 2017
I have been noticing more and more microaggressions toward men, but I’ve found surprisingly little discussion of this trend. There is a word most people have never heard of: Misandry, meaning hatred of men. It corresponds to misogyny, hatred of women. By noticing microaggressions directed against men, we can uncover a lot of ‘hidden’ misandry.
Sexual Desire Discrepancy
12 June 2017
This video by Dr. Joe is about Sexual Desire Discrepancy where one partner wants sex more than the other. I talk about what to do and how to negotiate successfully through that.
Gay Men and Sex: Tops, Bottoms and Sides
05 June 2017
This video by Dr. Joe, www.joekort.com, is about Gay Men and Sex: Tops, Bottoms and Sides. Not every gay man wants to have anal sex. Many consider anal sex as sex and everything else as foreplay. Yet for gay men who don't have anal sex, everything else IS sex. Watch the video to learn more.
04 June 2017
Joe Kort spent years shaming himself for his sexual desires. Now, he has embraced who he is as an erotic person, and is no longer shaming himself, or his patients. His journey to #NoMoreSexShame will give you chills.
Am I a Sex Addict or a Pervert?
25 May 2017
This video by Dr. Joe addresses concerns by those who struggle with unwanted behaviors and their partners to distinguish what is going on. Our culture slaps on the label "sex addict" prematurely in what sex therapists Doug Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito call "premature evaluation".
Straight Men and Anal Sex: Your Anus Doesn't Have A Sexual Orientation.
15 May 2017
The Heterosexual Trance
10 May 2017
If you are heterosexual and cisgender you have won the lottery in this lifetime. Our world is designed perfectly for you. You get to hold hands, kiss and say I love you openly and outwardly to the other gender without fear of repercussion, violence, looks of disgust or any other negativity. Want to hear more?
Is porn really an addiction?
01 May 2017
Is our country really in a national health crisis because of it? Watch my video and find out.
Mommy Nearest: When a mother sexually abuses her son
30 April 2017
My latest article on Psychology Today
26 April 2017
Can straight men and women have sex with the same gender and still be straight? Can gays and lesbians have sex with the other gender and still be gay and lesbian? How is heteroflexibility and homoflexibilty different than bisexuality? Is Bisexuality real?
Mixed Orientation Marriage (MOM) and Relationships (MORE): One straight spouse, one LGBT and Sexually Fluid partner.
20 April 2017
We are beginning a series of videos and in-person discussion groups in Royal Oak, MI titled, "Smart Sex-Smart Love" where we will be addressing relationship issues and sexual issues.
Is Monogamy Among Gay Men the New Normal? A New Study Suggests a Fast-Developing Trend | The Huffington Post
10 April 2017
Rapidly changing attitudes toward LGBTQ people in American culture over the last decade have caught many by surprise, prompting civil rights activists to celebrate, and others to react with anger and fear, resulting, for example in renewed attempts to curtail the trend by introducing legislation allowing continued discrimination via “religious liberty” rationale.
Dating and Your Brain
21 March 2017
You have 3 brains: Your frontal lobe which can reason, the limbic system which experiences fear and pleasure and your brain stem which scans for danger and safety.
Every couple should be having 2 conversations
15 March 2017
One about the relationship and another about the sexual part of their relationship.
Imago Relationship Therapy for Singles
14 March 2017
Learn more about the upcoming imago relationship singles class starting March 21, 2016
Loving a partner with Asperger’s can be both challenging and rewarding
13 March 2017
Today is our 24th anniversary with my husband, Mike. I wrote an article with his permission about being in love with someone who has Aspergers.
IMAGO Therapy and the first two Stages of Love: Romantic Love and Power Struggle
21 February 2017
This video talks about my workshops on IMAGO Relationship Therapy. I describe the first two stages of love and what attracts us to a partner and what causes conflict. The next video will be the final stage of love and how to resolve conflict.
The final stage of love: Real Love
21 February 2017
Here I talk about how couples make it to real love, love that is based on reality. I talk about the turtle and the hailstorm as well as how we are attractive to familiar love. It is no accident we are with the partner we choose.
New Study: Younger Gay Men Trending Toward Monogamy
20 February 2017
Study Press Release: December 2016…
A new study, Younger Gay Men’s Perspectives on Monogamy, Non-monogamy, and Marriage describes a significant shift toward monogamy among younger gay men (ages 18 – 39 years old). Of 576 respondents, 85% of single men were seeking monogamous relationships, and there was an overwhelming preponderance of monogamous couples (86%)
Dealing with Post Trumpatic Stress Disorder What To Do When Someone You Love Voted For Trump
01 February 2017
These are trying, scary times for LGBTQ people. We are seeing increasing divisiveness. Every day on Facebook I see people blocking and unfriending each other, and I must admit I have done the same. A lot of this comes from people not hearing each other, attacking each other or not truly engaging in dialogue. Other times it is the only thing to do, and I fully understand that.
The Misleading “Sexual Addiction” Label
05 January 2017
Wrong labels make for poor therapy
Is sex addiction real? Depends on whom you ask - CNN.com
14 December 2016
"To me, 'sex addiction' is a cultural myth," said psychotherapist Joe Kort. "Thirty years ago, we didn't have a better way to describe people who worried that their sexual behavior was out of control, so it made sense to call it addiction. But it's not an actual diagnosis."
Op-ed: Anti-porn school program misrepresents science
13 December 2016
I am often asked about the science that exists in evidence that porn is not an addiction. Here is some information.
10 December 2016
National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality’s (NARTH), an antigay and reparative therapy organization started in 1992 by Joseph Nicolosi renamed their website and organization to distance themselves from the unethical use of therapy attempting to change someone from gay to straight. Their new website is therapeuticchoice.com, and renamed itself the NARTH Institute, which is a division of the brand new Alliance for Therapeutic Choice and Scientific Integrity (ATCSI). (www.narth.com). It is the same unethical, and in some states illegal, form of junk therapy.
FROM A SCIENTIFIC PERSPECTIVE, SEX ADDICTION IS NOT REAL.
08 December 2016
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
December 8, 2016
What if we thought of monogamy as a spectrum?
07 December 2016
"The study revealed two important findings. First, millennials like myself are less interested in monogamy than our elders are. Second, millennials don’t view monogamy as all or nothing. We realize that, like sexuality and gender, relationships can exist on a spectrum. And even though we were brought up in a society that aggressively pushed a monogamous agenda — teaching us that our goal in life is to find our One True Love — we’ve begun to reject this notion. For many millennials, monogamy doesn’t hold the appeal it once had."
Is My husband Gay, Straight or Bi?
06 December 2016
The answer to this question is not as simple as it may seem.
AASECT Releases Historic Position Statement on Sex Addiction | Psychology Today
30 November 2016
Sex therapy certifying organization cannot endorse sex addiction model.
Talking Turkey: America’s election has led to a boomlet for therapists
24 November 2016
Around the country therapists say anxious conversations about politics have become inevitable.
What Makes People Kinky?
14 November 2016
Are we born kinky, or does life experience lead us down that path?
AASECT Summer Institute: Revisiting 'Sex Addiction': Transformative Ways to Address Out of Control Sexual Behavior.
29 September 2016
Watch an interview with Dr. Joe Kort.
Looking for a Third? These Guys Are Down
21 September 2016
Read an article where I am interviewed about why straight men enjoy three-ways
If a gay teen told you he was on Grindr, how would you react?
12 September 2016
With campaigns such as It Gets Better and the Human Rights Campaign, the gay rights movement has continued to see the culture shift to be more accepting of the LGBTQ community. But for many teens, being gay provides its own unique set of challenges.
Guest Post: David Ley, PhD Talks About the Sexual Dependency Inventory
06 September 2016
Dr. David Ley wrote a book called, “The Myth of Sex Addiction”. His work attempts to hold the sex addiction industry to a high standard to back up their work. I post his recent article on my blog for reasons he states below.
Anthony Weiner Is Not a Sex Addict
03 September 2016
My article on Weiner not being a "sex addict" on Psychology Today was put at the top for essential read!
It was an important article for me to write because immediately people jump to that conclusion and over-pathologize what he did.
Misandry: The Invisible Hatred of Men
09 August 2016
Men face many microaggressions that we rarely think about
Revolutionary Change for Therapist Joe Kort
08 August 2016
ROYAL OAK - Therapist, coach and author Joe Kort, Ph.D., LMSW, helped many individuals cope and manage issues relating to sex addiction for over 20 years. Kort completed the second edition of his book "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" this year, 13 years after it was initially released, and shared with readers a sweeping realization about his own therapy practice: Joe Kort no longer believes in sex addiction.
Can Porn Enhance a Couple’s Sex Life?
04 August 2016
Dr Joe Kort offers therapy to couples and notes that many women remain wary of porn, especially if they have caught their male partner watching it in secret. They will often equate this discovery with real-life infidelity.
Here's What You Need To Know About The Male G-Spot
03 August 2016
"Your anus doesn't have a sexual orientation; it just likes pleasure," says Kort.
My latest article for Huffington Post is trending: The Bisexual Dilemma: Grief and The Loss of Gay and Lesbian Privilege
19 July 2016
As a sex therapist, I ran a gay men’s group for 21 years. Some five years ago, I brought in a man who identified as bisexual. The result was appalling. The group was very hard on him, insisting that he had to be one or the other — gay or straight. It became apparent that the group was not ready to accept this man’s sexual identity. What was not apparent to most was how they were doing to him the same thing that the majority of heterosexuals do to gays and lesbians — shunning, and making him an outcast — demonstrating their own biphobia.
Anal Play and Prostate Massage Isn't Just for Gay Men--Straight Men Enjoy Receiving Too.
12 July 2016
Back in January, hip-hop artist Kanye West found himself embroiled in a Twitter feud with rapper Whiz Khalifa. Soon, model and ex-girlfriend Amber Rose got in on the action. “Awww @kanyewest are u mad I’m not around to play in ur a-shole anymore? #FingersInTheBootyA-sBitch,” tweeted Rose.
When West eventually responded, he denied ever having engaged in anal play of any sort, writing, “I stay away from that area all together [sic].” He then added, “I’m not into that kind of s–t…”
Sadly, this knee-jerk defensiveness is common among heterosexual men who are intrigued by—or who enjoy—anal play.
Building a Sex Therapy Practice with Sexologist and Relationship Therapist, Dr. Joe Kort: Episode 23
24 May 2016
Here is my latest interview on being a sex and relationship therapist for the past 30 years, Building a Sex Therapy Practice with Sexologist and Relationship Therapist, Dr. Joe Kort: Episode 23.
Grindr and the Evolution of the Hookup: The Pleasures... and Perils... of Online Gay Dating
23 May 2016
Read my latest Huffington Post article | Grindr and the Evolution of the Hookup: The Pleasures... and Perils... of Online Gay Dating
The Difference Between Sexual Orientation and Erotic Orientation
18 May 2016
Watch my latest video regarding the difference between sexual orientation and erotic orientation. Your sexual identity is how you self-identify as gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian and everything in between. Your erotic identity are your sexual fantasies, desires and behaviors which you enjoy. Watch my video for a more detailed explanation. https://youtu.be/7-m9sm8q6s4
10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives: 2nd Edition
26 April 2016
Watch my latest YouTube video talking about my revised and updated book, "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives: 2nd Edition"
Did John Gottman really just slut shame America?
19 April 2016
The high-profile and research-based marital therapist, John Gottman, recently wrote an open letter labeling porn a threat to couples' intimacy as a follow up to Time Magazine's cover story, “Porn and the Threat to Virility.”
11 Serious Problems That Don't Have To Mean The End Of A Relationship
13 April 2016
My response to a famous and well respected marital therapist who came out against porn:
11 April 2016
Read Dr. Kort's response.
I'm a guest on the Ask Dr. Nandi show!
11 February 2016
The upcoming episode "Working with Your Spouse" airs on Friday February 12th and Sunday February 14th. at 1pm.
The BRO Phenom, and the Demise of Sexual Labeling: An App That Connects Straight Men for Sex Is Challenging Simple Definitions
28 January 2016
Tips for Singles
25 January 2016
12 tips for singles.
5 Tips on How to Make a Relationship Last
06 January 2016
Buzzfeed article Dr. Kort is interviewed in: How I Learned There’s More Than One Way To Have Gay Sex
08 December 2015
Here is the latest article Dr. Kort was interviewed in: How I Learned There’s More Than One Way To Have Gay Sex
Sex Addict or Homosexual?
07 December 2015
I know of clients telling their therapist, "I would rather be a sex addict than a homosexual." Some sex addiction therapists, especially those who have a religious influence to their work, admittedly believe that homosexuality is not an "authentic" identity, particularly for those who do not want it. Calling such sexual interests a "same-sex attraction" and an "acting out" of the client's sexual addiction, these therapists then treat the client as a sex addict, and send him to Sexaholics Anonymous, which is overtly anti-gay.
Why I Am No Longer A Sex Addiction Therapist: Treating Out-of-Control Sexual Behaviors
25 November 2015
In the 1980s, addiction models were becoming increasingly popular, and the sex addiction model tagged onto that wave. Twelve-step groups on behavioral addictions were forming everywhere. The groups, as well as the information, were easily accessible, and clients understood the concept immediately. I became a certified sex addiction therapist, and fully embraced the model until 2010 when I began to see some serious flaws.
Read Joe’s latest interview on helping couples talk about porn use.
21 September 2015
There’s no doubt that pornography use is on the rise, and this issue is becoming more common in recent years because of its proliferation on the internet and easy, instant access. Currently, 12% of websites on the Internet are pornographic – that’s 24,644,172 adult sites.
A Place For Straight Spouses After Their Mate Comes Out Of The Closet : NPR
20 September 2015
"Michigan-based sex therapist Joe Kort says there's a definite increase in straight spouses, those people who discover they've married someone who is not"
Can Porn Enhance a Couple’s Sex Life?
14 September 2015
Recent statistics released by the most popular adult website in the world reveal that female viewers are growing each year, with women being responsible for over 4 billion of the site’s total views in 2014.
Happily After Ashley Madison: The Redemption of Infidelity
05 August 2015
Ashley Madison is reputed to have between 33-37 million members worldwide, an astounding number, and this is only one of dozens—perhaps hundreds—of current sites where people pursue extramarital affairs. What does this say about the success or failure of marriage as a cultural institution?
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SEXUAL HEALTH CERTIFICATE PROGRAM INVITE TO ATTEND 2016
13 July 2015
I am on the faculty of the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program teaching LGBTQ studies. If you are interested in obtaining training in sex therapy and sexual health I highly recommend this program.
Does London have a homophobia problem within the gay community?
09 July 2015
I was interviewed for this article: Does London have a homophobia problem within the gay community?
New York Times refers to Dr. Kort as a “renegade” of couples therapy
06 July 2015
NYTimes: First Comes Sex Talk With These Renegades of Couples Therapy
These renegades of couples therapy — such as Suzanne Iasenza, Margie Nichols, Jean Malpas, Marty Klein, Joe Kort, Arlene Lev, Marta Meana and Tammy Nelson — have become popular speakers at conferences like “Sex and Attachment.” They speak on topics like affairs, “gender-queerness,” transsexual identity, kink, BDSM (bondage/discipline, domination/submission, sadism/masochism) and pornography to audiences more accustomed to a language of betrayal and forgiveness.
Sex Q&A: Does Bottoming Have To Hurt?
04 May 2015
Dr. Kort offers advice on Buzzfeed Sex Q&A
This week’s question: How Can I Make Anal Hurt Less?
Next Couples Workshop May 2-3, 2015
16 April 2015
Information about the upcoming Getting The Love You Want Couples Workshop. Access a free recording where we review what happens at the workshop.
Ties Like Me!
09 March 2015
I will be sponsoring "Ties Like Me" March 18 Wednesday in Birmingham, Michigan at Mt. Chalet restaurant. Free giveaways!
Guys on the 'Side': Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms
03 February 2015
A British Gay show titled, "Cucumber" is using my term, "side" about gay men who don't top or bottom. I'm flattered. Here is my original article from June 2013.
Here's a sneak preview into my book.
19 January 2015
Is My Husband Gay?
A book excerpt from chapter one of "Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?" Dr. Kort helps a wife, Jennifer, understand how male sexuality can express itself in ways that may be difficult to understand.
How Are We To Talk About the Complexity of Bisexuality?
16 December 2014
Bisexuality is real. This article attempts to clarify what it is and is not.
Male Sexual Fludity
16 November 2014
When I try to have meaningful conversations with people about this issue and say that the answer is not so simple, many people don't accept any other possibility. Just because a man has sexual interest in, or engages in sexual activity with, another man doesn't automatically mean he is gay or bisexual.
Mixed Orientation Marriages: The New Mixed Marriage
14 November 2014
Mixed orientation marriages make up approximately 2 million marriages in the United States according to the Straight Spouse Network. A mixed orientation marriage is when one spouse is gay or bisexual and the other is straight.
Out-Of-Control Sexual Behavior is the new Sexual Addiction
14 November 2014
The term Sexual Addiction is the term most used these days to describe compulsive sexual behavior. The term was popularized by Patrick Carnes in 1983. Today the term is becoming increasingly outdated and we are finding in the field that is doesn't fully describe or define what people are experiencing.
Today's Younger Couples Are Embracing Open Relationships
09 September 2013
I recently worked with a new couple who had only been married nine months who began talking about opening up their relationship. This is a controversial topic for straight couples and a typical one for gay couples. I wrote an article giving some guidance to couples on what to consider if you are going to be non-monogamous.