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Sigmund Freud first identified the psychological process
of transference and brought it into what is now modern
day psychotherapy. He noticed that people had strong
feelings and fantasies about him that had no basis in
reality
between him and the client. In fact, transference is
actually something that happens in life—and not just
psychotherapy.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., coined the relationship theory
and model *Imago Relationship Therapy*. He believed that
couples were directing their transference onto each
other within the marriage causing the rupture between
them. He felt that if the couples could understand what
was happening they could remove the transference that
was negative and see each other and the conflicts for
what they really were.
Therapists today who work transferentially understand
that deeper work can happen in the therapy room if
clients are willing to go there and understand what is
happening. Couples willing to work out their
transference can do the same to get past where they get
stuck in their relationships.
Transference
What is transference? During transference, people turn
into a “biological time machine”. A nerve is struck when
someone says or does something that reminds you of your
past. This creates an “emotional time warp” that
transfers your emotional past and your psychological
needs into the present.
Transference is a phenomenon in psychology characterized
by unconscious redirection of feelings of one person to
another. For instance, one could mistrust somebody who
resembles an ex-spouse in manners, voice or external
appearance; or be overly compliant to someone who
resembles a childhood friend.
In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection
of a client’s feelings from a significant person to a
therapist. Counter-transference is defined as
redirection of a therapist’s feelings toward a client,
or more generally as a therapist’s emotional
entanglement with a client.
The goal of transference is to finish the unresolved
childhood and past wounds between the client and another
person from their life. In psychotherapy, the therapist
becomes the object of the negative transference which
brings the treatment to the next level and goes deeper
into one’s psyche. In relationships, one’s partner
becomes the antenna for that transference.
Projection
What Is Projection? Some people refer to transference as
a “projection.” In this case you are projecting your own
feelings, emotions or motivations into another person
without realizing your reaction is really more about you
than it is about the other person. In a life filled with
transference, your job may be “the family reunion you
are avoiding and you are forced to go to each day.” In
other cases of projection, your girlfriend may remind
you of all the irritating things your mother did when
you were growing up. Love at first sight is usually a
projection – especially if it ends in disaster and you
could have seen it coming.
Negative Transference
In an extreme form of transference, you may conclude
that someone is an awful or evil person when in fact
that person’s favorite food and television show reminds
you of an emotionally abusive mother and a sexually
abusive brother you have been trying to forget since
childhood. That’s an example of negative transference.
A warm, supportive and kind person could remind you of
what you are missing and wanting in your life. You might
then idealize that person and begin to see him or her as
wonderful beyond belief. The idea is that you will react
to your therapist, partner, friend, colleague, family
member or whoever you are close to based on your
experience with another person. This is usually a parent
that the patient has an unresolved conflict with. In
extreme cases a patient will become overly attached to
their therapist or they will enter into and create
conflicts without realizing how.
How Can You Tell?
How do you know you are having a
“transference reaction”? It’s not always easy, but you
probably are if the client is having a powerful reaction
that is not justifiable to a reasonable person. In other
words you as the therapist know that what they are
feeling and saying about you is in error but they insist
on the belief about you.
Once you know and understand this you begin to learn to
disarm and no longer strong-arm your partner in
communication. You learn that your over-reaction is
about you and not them in most cases. Overtime couples
can work their negative transference and projections and
not take them out on each other but rather direct them
where they belong.
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