Sign up for our free bi-monthly newsletter updates:


All contents ©1995–present by Joe Kort & Associates. For reprint permission, contact us.


Mixed Orientation Marriages

HOW - Husbands Out to Their Wives
HOW is an international on-line support group for gay and bisexual men who are married to women and are out to (or working toward coming out to) our wives.

Note:  This group is not affiliated with Joe Kort & Associates. The information given on this page is from this group. 

HOW is an international on-line support group for gay and bisexual men who are married to women and are out to (or working toward coming out to) our wives.  Our mission is to support each other as we try to find our individual paths to happiness. HOW members help each other as we redefine our relationships with our spouses, family members, friends, colleagues, even as we may be learning to understand our own real selves.

We do not give advice, rather relate through personal experiences, the ways in which we have handled our own lives. We advocate neither divorce nor separation, but we never fail to realize the fact that in human emotions, that status (divorce) may be inevitable for some.  We request that those who have gone through divorce remain on the list for the support and understanding they can offer - both the positives and the negatives of their experiences. 
Our subjects or "threads" vary from discussions of our sexuality, our relationship to our wives and children, the process of coming out to our children, the sharing of humor (it is needed to break the depression that too often results), spiritual discussions, book or movie reviews or discussions, men's health and sex issues, and anything that helps us to support one another.

We demand civility and a humanistic approach in all we say.  While the group is un-moderated, administrators and a Governing Board of long-standing members monitor the discussions.

HOW is an email list, it is not a website for browsing.  With an email list, posts made to the list are sent as emails to your registered address.  When you wish to post, it’s done as an email to the host server, which then re-sends your post to the entire list.  Prospective members should be aware that this can be a very intensive email list.  Over the history of the list, we average 30 posts a day coming through the server. 

If you decide to join, you should have your HOW posts sent to an email address that is only yours, password protected and not accessible by others in the household, etc.  Also, due to ongoing message reject issues with Yahoo, we ask that you not use a Yahoo email account for this.

If you meet our qualifications (gay/bi- married man who is out to, or committed to come out to his wife) and are interested in joining HOW, send a note to how-request@groups.queernet.org using your confidential email address for further details about the group and instructions for joining.


Contact Dr. Joe Kort for your one-on-one meeting

Sign up for our free bi-monthly Dr. Kort updates, news, and events to be sent right to your inbox.